Fiction

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New Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter Cover by Brian Denham

[UPDATE: See Brian Denham’s cover for my ebook Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter at Amazon or at Smashwords]

Greetings,  Loyal Reader!

Many of you have read my satirical novella, Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter — and many more have not.  I’ve been pleased by the good response to the story and want to relaunch SPVH for a wider audience. To do that, I need a brand new righteously cool cover. To get it, I went to comic book artist Brian Denham.

You may be familiar with Brian Denham’s work on the Angel comic from IDW.  His credits also include: The X-Files, StarCraft, Iron Man: Hypervelocity, Nova, and Avengers. He is a Lucasfilm approved artist whose work was featured during the 30th Anniversary of Star Wars. He has contributed art to several Star Wars sketch card sets.

A talented artist, to be sure, and his Buffyverse and X-Files work means he knows from drawing vampires.

But can he handle Sarah Palin? In particular, a gun-toting, action-adventure, vampire-blasting Sarah Palin?

Yes, he can.

What convinced me Brian Denham was perfect for the job was his cover (and inside poster) for the Antarctic Press one-shot Sarah Palin: Rogue Warrior.  Palin, guns, Spandex–yeah, that pretty much covers it. After reading the issue, I got in touch with Brian and was delighted when he agreed to take on the SPVH project.

(Incidentally, he has yet another Sarah Palin-themed project coming from Antarctic this fall: providing the cover for Steampunk Palin. I hope he doesn’t get typecast!)

Anyway, the latest word from Brian is that the cover will be finished soon. I’ll be sure to share it with Loyal Readers as soon as I get it!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Jason Cosmo Non-Trilogy Ebooks

[UPDATE  10/24/10:  All three Non-Trilogy titles are now available at Smashwords:  Jason Cosmo, Royal Chaos, Dirty Work]

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Several Loyal Readers have expressed interest in reading the original Jason Cosmo novels — aka the Non-Trilogy — as e-books.  Your wish is my command!  I recently had the paperback editions of Jason Cosmo (1989), Royal Chaos (1990) and Dirty Work (1993) scanned by the good folks at Blue Leaf Book Scanning since I lacked electronic versions of the final as-published texts. I’ve begun the process of cleaning up the files and hope to have all three titles available as ebooks in the near future.

This undertaking is separate from my relaunch of the series, which began with Hero Wanted and will continue with Noble Cause. I realize reissuing the original versions while also publishing new versions may confuse some people, but I don’t think that is any reason to not make the original versions available for those Loyal Readers who are interested.

I am only editing Jason Cosmo, Royal Chaos, and Dirty Work for typos, spelling, and formatting errors that showed up in the published versions. I am not otherwise changing the text. So, for instance, the Jason Cosmo ebook will not include the revisions and extra scenes and chapters included in the Hero Wanted.  If you’ve read Hero Wanted, there would be no particular reason to read Jason Cosmo — unless you’re interested in seeing what the first version was like.

Anyway, that is the plan. I’m happy to take questions.

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Jason Cosmo: Noble Cause Cover Story

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

The cover for Jason Cosmo: Noble Cause is here at last. The gorgeously absurd and absurdly gorgeous illustration, once again, is by award-winning artist Richard Hescox, with cover design by Kris Tobiassen. They did a great job! I’ll let the picture speak for itself. You’ll have to read the book to get the full story, but what you see depicted here is our hero Jason Cosmo and the lovely twins Sapphrina and Rubis. And a very large bear.

Noble Cause (2010) by Dan McGirt

Noble Cause (2010)

Alas, we had to trim the picture a little to fit the dimensions of a book cover.

Since I don’t want Richard Hescox’s great work to go to waste, here is a peek at the full image before it was edited for the book cover:

Cover art for Jason Cosmo: Noble Cause by Richard Hescox

Jason Cosmo: Noble Cause Copyright 2010 Richard Hescox

I hope you enjoy this cover as much as I do.  Stay tuned for Noble Cause!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Hero Wanted ebook, soon no longer a free book

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

On July 18, 2009, I uploaded the Jason Cosmo: HERO WANTED to Smashwords as a free ebook. My initial intention was to offer the ebook as a free download only until the HERO WANTED print edition was released in August 2009. The goal was twofold:

  • A thank you to long-suffering, infinitely patient Loyal Readers who had been waiting for another Jason Cosmo adventure since 1993
  • Make it easy and painless for potential new readers to try Jason Cosmo.

For many and various reasons, I delayed charging for the HERO WANTED ebook. But the time is soon approaching when the free ride will end, as all good things must. Specifically, I’ll be adding a price tag on July 18, 2010, the one-year anniversary of the ebook release.

What does this mean for you, Loyal Reader? It means if you haven’t downloaded the free HERO WANTED ebook, what are you waiting for? You’ve had a whole year and now you’ve got one week left to get it for free!

(As for why I’m suddenly going to start charging for the ebook, the less said the better, but it involves a slight misunderstanding with the Russian mob and an unpleasant chap named Bruno. I really don’t want to talk about it.)

This does not mean I won’t be offering other fiction for free in the future–I definitely will be. In fact, I’ve got several free stories available right now:

And you can sample the first two chapters of the forthcoming Jason Cosmo sequel, NOBLE CAUSE here on JasonCosmo.com.

But if you haven’t yet grabbed the HERO WANTED ebook, do it now!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Time to come clean. My ebook Twinkle was but a ruse, intended to lure you to your doom. Like the glittery vampires that infect so much of current fiction, Twinkle offers the promise of love and romance, lulls you into a false sense of warm security–and then, when  you least suspect it, goes straight for your throat! But Twinkle is no more. It has met its demise and emerged from the grave, reborn as Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter!

This was a false flag operation from the beginning.  The idea of casting Sarah Palin as a vampire hunter occurred to me on a Story Walk in the woods last fall. ((A Story Walk is when I drink lots of coffee and wander off into the forest. I get many of my best ideas that way.)) At the time, I thought “This will either be the coolest thing I’ve ever written, or a complete disaster. Either way, I’ve got to do it!”

I had what they call the high concept. What I didn’t have was a story. I kicked around various plots in my head, but nothing really grabbed me. I jotted down various bits of back story, but had no front story until a recent blizzard snowed me in for days on end. Cooped inside with nothing but my laptop and too much coffee, I started writing. I don’t care for shiny sparkly vampire high school teenage romance. I grew up on Tomb of Dracula comics, Salem’s Lot, and other old school undead. Vampires should be mean, scary, and terminated with extreme prejudice. Who better to do the job than Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter?

I wrote like a fiend. As the skies cleared, I had most of a story written and all of it outlined, but wasn’t quite done. The  madness was starting to wear off a bit and I knew my attention might wander. To force myself to the finish line, I announced that the story would debut March 1. But I didn’t want to reveal just yet what I was up to, so I called it Twinkle and released carefully selected previews to create the impression of an innocent tragic teenage vampire romance spoof.

The lead character doesn’t make her entrance for several pages. I imagined unsuspecting early readers chuckling along as Stella and Edmund emote at each other in the woods and then–WHAM! It’s a whole different story. From early reports, the desired effect was achieved. But I also wanted more people to read the story, so I knew that at some point I would do the big reveal and reflag this story with its true title: Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter.

Somewhat disconcerting to me was the fact that on the same day I launched Twinkle, Seth Grahame-Smith’s new book Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter debuted. I thought I had the presidential (or almost vice-presidential) vampire hunting genre to myself, but no. Clearly, something was in the air. (I haven’t picked up ALVH yet, but from all I’ve seen, it looks like Honest Abe has the right attitude when it comes to vampires. I fully endorse Lincoln’s vampire hunting activities.)

Whenever I have what I think is a really cool story idea, my next thought is always that someone must have done this already. From last fall I Google-searched “sarah palin vampire hunter” every few days just to make sure the coast was clear. I found lots of “sarah palin vampire” hits leading to pictures, pages, and comments by people who really dislike Sarah Palin. But no vampire hunting Palin. Since Twinkle launched on March 2, the phrase “Sarah Palin Vampire Hunter” has turned up twice in online political discourse. I don’t think either of those instances were by Twinkle readers. Rather, I think the Abe Lincoln book has people making the connection between political figures and slaying the undead.

I decided drop the pretense, pull back the curtain, and, I hope, draw more readers to the story. Which would you rather read: Twinkle or Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter?

Exactly.

Thanks to 600 or so Loyal Readers who gave Twinkle a try and got to be surprised. For the rest of you, the cat is out of the bag — but I think you’ll find many other fun surprises in the pages of Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Twinkle: Vampires My Way

Greetings, Loyal Reader:

Twinkle launched this week. The story has already received a few good reader reviews and is moving up the charts. For those who missed the previews, Twinkle is my take on the romantic vampire craze, offered as free ebook mini-novel. Here is the Smashwords blurb:

Twinkle. A small town with big secrets. Can Stella find eternal love with her vampire boyfriend Edmund? Will werewolf Jake’s own desire for Stella drive him to a fatal decision? Or will the arrival of a certain famous vampire slayer turn all their lives upside down? Twinkle is the vampire epic you’ve waited for—if you’ve already read all the other vampire epics. Enter Twinkle if you dare!

And here are a few Loyal Reader reviews:

“If you don’t mind a (not so) gentle poke at some of the current vamp romance hype, you’ll enjoy this story.”(Ommadawn)

“McGirt takes on a host of pop culture topics with the kid gloves left in their proper place: on the shelf. The angsty vampire genre receives a ten pound monkey wrench to the gut with hilarious results.” (MT Murphy. See full review on his blog.)

A hilarious romp through the “steamy underbrush” of current pop culture! Well done! (T. Shatzel)

So thank you to Loyal Readers who have tried Twinkle and to my kind reviewers. Now I’m back to work on NOBLE CAUSE!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Twinkle: new preview

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

My vampire mini-novel Twinkle launches March 1 on Smashwords. I’ve shared one scene over the last three days. Today I have a new preview. New scene. We join Stella running through the woods:

SMACK!
Stella slammed into a tree for the fifth or sixth time.
“Why are there so many trees in this forest!”
She hoped this wasn’t real, just another of her absurdly frequent and vivid nightmares. That had to be it!
This isn’t real! This isn’t real! This isn’t real!
But she kept running just in case.
Which way was the road? Was this the right trail? Which way was she running? Did it matter? She just had to get away, keep going until she woke up. Right?
Stella hit another tree, bounced off it, tipped over backward and slid down a steep incline.
“Let me help you up,” said a familiar voice.
“Where—where am I?” said Stella.
“Tresspassing on the Quixote reservation.”
“Jake? Is that you?”
The clouds parted and the moon revealed to Stella that it was indeed her childhood friend Jake. The muscular, dark-haired, bare-chested Quixote Indian teen wore sandals and a pair of cut-off jeans. He pulled Stella to her feet with effortless ease.
“What are you doing here, Stella?” he asked, flexing his biceps.
“I was out here with Edmund, my boyfriend, who is gorgeous and perfect and sparkly and dreamy.”
“Oh,” said Jake. He made the face one might make after stepping in something squishy.
“Yes, we were making out in a moonlit meadow, his full lips devouring mine, when—”
“I get it,” said Jake, curtly.
“No, I don’t think you understand. We were about to take our relationship to a new level and meld our bodies into—”
“Oh, for the love of—I get it, Stella! You and Edmund! Kissy-kissy, lovey-dovey, Oh, Edmund this! Edmund that! Edmund, Edmund, Edmund! Edmund is all you talk about every freaking Edmund minute of every freaking Edmund day! So you’re out here with Edmund. Awesome. I don’t need the details. Where is Mr. Awesome Sparklefingers anyway?”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Edmund is—oh my gosh!”
“Edmund is oh-my-gosh what?”
Stella dropped her voice to a whisper. “Jake, don’t move! There are like three humungous wolves standing right behind you!”
Jake rolled his eyes. “I know. I’m amazed you managed to notice them, though, seeing as none of them are Edmund!”

I think that is about all I can give you for now without revealing too much of the plot ahead of time. Don’t you hate those movie trailers that give away the whole story? Well, I do too. So no spoilers. You’ll have to tune in on March 1 to find out what happened out in the Oregon woods, why Stella is running into trees in the dark, and what happens next in the mysterious town of Twinkle.

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Twinkle: excerpt three

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

On March 1, it’s vampires my way, with the debut of Twinkle on Smashwords. Until then, here is a third excerpt. If you haven’t read excerpt 1 and excerpt 2 go read those first. This picks up right after excerpt 2, when Edmund says:

“And is it what you want? What you really, really want?”
“I want to be with you no matter what it takes, Edmund.”
“You’ll have to give up everything that you are, Stella, abandon your identity and forsake any semblance of a normal life. Are you willing to do all that to become…like me?”
“Yes! It is what I want more than anything, Edmund! To be like you. To be with you forever and ever until—’
“Hush.” Edmund pressed his index finger to Stella’s lips.
“What is it, Edmund? What’s wrong? Do you not love me enough? Are you worried about what people will think? Because I don’t—”
Now Edmund clamped his entire hand across Stella’s mouth, silencing her.
“Just hush,” he said. “Please. Not another word. You are so beautiful, Stella. So perfect. I love the way the moonlight shines on your luminous white skin. The way your dark hair catches the shadows. The heat of your body. So, so perfect.”
“Mmfph!” said Stella.
“And the beating of your heart.” Edmund pressed his ear against Stella’s chest. His head rode the rise and fall of her breath. “The perpetual pulsing rhythm, pushing your delicious—I mean, precious¬—blood through every part of your body. Through your fingers, through your toes…through the veins of your throat. I love that sound. But I can’t hear it, even with my exceptional hearing, over the unyielding cacophony of your incessant yammering. So, please, don’t spoil our last moment together, Stella. Just hush.”
He removed his hand. Stella took a breath. She opened her mouth to speak. Edmund regarded her sternly. She hesitated, but could not contain herself.
“Last moment?” she asked, half in hope, half in fear of what he meant.
“The last moment before everything changes for us,” he said.
“Do you really mean this, Edmund? Is it time? Are you finally going to do it to me?”
“Yes, Stella.”
“Oh, Edmund! I’m so happy! You have no idea what this means to me! I can’t wait to finally be—”
Edmund clamped his hand over her mouth again and bent the girl’s head back, exposing the soft white flesh of her throat. The scent of her excitement, the rush of her quickening heartbeat, sent a thrill through his cold form. She shuddered in his grasp.
“This may sting at first,” said Edmund. His incisors protruded. “But it will all be over soon.”
Edmund pulled Stella more tightly against him. He leaned in, brushing her skin with his lips. He opened his mouth. She closed her eyes. Stella’s whole body vibrated with anticipation of what was to come next.

And I think we better cut away for now! Come back March 1 for the rest of the scene, and the rest of Twinkle!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Twinkle: second excerpt

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Below is the second excerpt from my vampire mini-epic Twinkle, coming March 1 as a free Smashwords ebook. Vampires my way!  If you haven’t read the first excerpt yet, go read that first. This picks up with the very next line:

“I dream about you when I sleep, except I don’t sleep. I just lie awake thinking about you. Or texting my friends about you. Sometimes, late at night, I update my Facebook profile to say how much I miss you and that I’m thinking about you. And then I write poems about you in my LiveJournal.”
“Yes, I’ve read some of those,” said Edmund. “You don’t pay attention in English class either, do you?”
“I can’t! Maybe I should set my LJ to private, but I don’t care. I don’t care, Edmund! I don’t care who knows how I feel because I want everyone to know how I feel about you because it’s how I feel about you and everyone should care.”
“About?”
“How I feel about you!”
“Right.”
“Oh, Edmund, you’re so sparkly and gorgeous and moody. I want to be with you forever!”
His tourmaline eyes flickered red. “Do you really mean that?”
“Yes. I want to spend every second with you until the end of time! I have this aching, longing, yearning, indescribable need to be with you that I can’t even describe.”
“I think you just did.”
“It fills me, Edmund! My need to be with you constantly, always, forever. It fills me up. It makes me ache and tingle and ties my stomach in a knot and sometimes I just throw up on myself because I love you so much!”
“A lovely image,” said Edmund. “But, listen, Stella—”
She knit her brow in confusion. “Listen? What does that mean?”
Edmund sighed. “It means you stop talking and I say something.” He cupped her face in his hands and stared deeply into her chocolate chip eyes. “It mean you use these cute ears of yours for once.”
“I record myself reading the poems I write about you and then I upload the recordings to my iPod and I listen to them while I curl up in a ball under the dining room table because I miss you so much.”
“Not what I meant. Stella, this is important. Do you really want to be with me forever? Do you even know what that means?”
“I do, Edmund,” she said breathlessly. “I do know.”

More to come …

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

 

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Twinkle: an excerpt

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Here is an excerpt from my vampire mini-novel Twinkle, coming March 1 at Smashwords:

Twinkle, Oregon

Twilight’s last gleaming fell softly through the mist between the trees. Sinuous fingers of fog caressed the upright shafts and trailed teasingly through the underbrush. The sun plunged into the wet darkness of the rolling sea. Above, parting clouds exposed a full, round, ripe, pale moon heaving upward into the night sky. Its tender light groped downward to find a young couple in a forest clearing, clutched in a tight embrace, their lips melded together in a deep and passionate kiss. They broke apart.
“Oh, Edmund!” said Stella, gasping. “Sometimes I think I’ll suffocate from kissing you! It’s like you never need air.”
“Sorry,” said Edmund. He smiled apologetically. “Sometimes you make me forget to breathe.”
Stella grinned. “When you put it like that, I don’t mind at all. Oh, Edmund, I love you so much!”
“And I love—”
“I mean, I really, really, deeply, completely love you with every single part of me from my head to my toes.”
“I feel the—”
“I mean every single molecule of me loves you! Every atom! Every one of those sub-atomic thingies that Mr. Flagg talks about in science class but I don’t really know what they are because I spend the whole class staring at you or passing notes to Callie about how much I love you or writing your name on my notebook.”
“I know,” said Edmund. He ran his fingers through her stringy brown hair. “Stella, you have—”
“When I’m with you, I don’t care about anything else! Not school or shopping for clothes or feeding the dog or talking to my family or even the Jonas brothers.”
“Good to know.”
“And when I’m not with you, all I think about is you. How you look. How you move. How you sound. How you smell.” She inhaled deeply. “I’m so drawn to your scent. Does that seem weird?”
“I tried that Axe body spray, so no.”

[Continued here …]

You can see where this is going. Or can you? BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt