Fantasy

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Jason Cosmo: Noble Cause preview, part 5

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Continuing our preview of NOBLE CAUSE. First read parts 1, 2, 3, and 4. The action continues now:

Malik’s sword bent in two. Though my enchanted armor, a hauberk and pants-of-mail combo, lacked a proper legendary name, it too was a relic of the Mighty Champion, bestowed upon me by The Gods. Made of miraculum, it was light and comfortable as silk pajamas, yet impervious to any weapon I had thus far encountered in my brief heroic career.

Even so, Malik’s hit would leave a bruise.

Malik jabbed his hooked dagger into my side. The knife broke.

That would also bruise.

“You’re Malik of the Four Blades now,” I said.

In reply, he snapped his arms in a peculiar motion. A pair of punching knives slid from his sleeves. These resembled brass knuckles with four-inch blades attached. Malik feinted, ducked, and again got past my guard. This time he went low, aiming a jab at my thigh followed by a slam punch to the crotch.

I winced more at the thought of the low blow than from any actual pain. The Cosmosuit protected my more sensitive bits as well as it did the rest of my body. The punching knives snapped like stale toast against a brick.

Angry now, I advanced with a furious flurry of thrusts and slashes. Had even half of my blows connected, pieces of Malik’s head and limbs would have flown in six different directions. His quickness saved him. Dodging and tumbling, Malik avoided my onslaught, culminating his evasive maneuvers with a standing reverse somersault. From mid-air he launched a pair of throwing stars at me. I raised my shield to deflect the razory projectiles. One embedded itself in a tree. The other whizzed past the head of a waiting fighter, severing his ear.

“Are we done, Malik of the Broken Blades?” I said. “Or must this still be to the death?”

Malik glared at me, but made no move to attack.

“Done, then.” I turned to Merc. “Who’s next?”

Go to part 6!

Best regards,
Dan McGirt

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Jason Cosmo: Noble Cause preview, part 4

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Following preview one, preview two, and preview three, we continue with Chapter 1 of NOBLE CAUSE:

Dark of skin and grim of eye, Malik wore the loose, flowing robes of a desert tribesman. He bore a curved sword in his right hand and a hooked dagger in the left.

“To the death?” I inquired, as I drew my broadsword. “Or will you settle for a good thrashing?”

“I will be satisfied when my blade drinks deeply of your blood and spills your life upon the ground, thus winning me eternal glory,” said Malik, bowing.

I sighed. “To the death then.”

Malik struck so fast I barely saw him move. Too fast for me to react in time. Fortunately, my sword was Overwhelm, the enchanted weapon borne by the Mighty Champion himself. Forged of the mystic metal miraculum, Overwhelm sliced granite like soft cheese. Among its magics was an onblade fighting intelligence which recorded every blow of every battle. Overwhelm dissected a foe’s fighting style on the fly, quickly learning to anticipate and counter his moves. My sword flashed upward to meet Malik’s, dragging my hand along for the ride. Malik’s scimitar shattered like glass.

Unfazed, he slashed at my face with the dagger. I ducked behind my shield, deflecting the thrust and swinging Overwhelm at Malik’s right side. He twirled away beyond my reach, hurling his broken sword as he did so.

I batted the missile away. Malik drew a short thrusting sword from a scabbard on his back and came at me again. His blade bit below my breastbone.

Read on to Part 5!

Best regards,
Dan McGirt

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Jason Cosmo: Noble Cause preview, part 3

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Following preview one and preview two, we continue with Chapter 1 of NOBLE CAUSE:

“So, then, who wants to kill me today?” I shouted.

A clamor arose from the gathered killers. They volleyed as much vituperation at each other as at me. The only thing uniting this motley crew was a desire to see me dead. There was much pushing and shoving. Mothers were insulted. Parentage was questioned. Vile epithets were hurled. Punches were thrown.

“Pipe down!” I said. “You’ll each get your turn!”

“Turns?” bellowed Kyril the Red. “Now it’s turns?” He stepped off line and raised his ax. “Enough waiting! Jason Cosmo, prepare to——arrgh!”

Two beams of red light flashed across the dueling ground and punched a pair of holes through the big fighter’s chest. Kyril the Red took two tottering steps and toppled to the ground as Kyril the Dead. Smoke rose from his corpse.

The killers froze and fell silent.

“Merc!” I shouted. “What did I tell you?”

Mercury, eyes now hidden behind the mirrored lenses of his sunshades, shrugged. “He cut in line. You told me to manage the list, I’m managing the list.”

“What is this?” accused one of the killers. “A setup?”

“No, no!” I said. “It is all on the level! But you must wait your turn. Otherwise, the whole thing breaks down and you end up fighting each other instead of me. Wait until your name is called. If you fear another will kill me first, just remember: if you can’t be The Man Who Killed Jason Cosmo, you can always become The Man Who Killed the Man Who Killed Jason Cosmo!”

My little joke got a laugh and diffused the tension.

“One more thing before we start. If you are hoping to collect the ten million carat bounty, you’re too late. It was already paid out.”

“What?” cried a masked and mustachioed fellow clad in mauve. He wore a bandolier of throwing knives across his chest and pair of hatchets at his belt. He was the Mauve Marauder, a rising young bounty hunter. “Paid to whom?”

“To me,” I said. “I collected the bounty on myself.”

“My idea,” said Merc.

“Now see here!” said the Mauve Marauder. “That is hardly proper, collecting your own bounty! Bad form!”

“Most unfair!” said a dour gentleman done up in a black hood, skeleton mask and black leather chaps. He idly twirled a lariat. “I’m the Grim Roper! I rode six weeks from Ganopolis to nab you. You’re telling me it was all for naught?”

“Sorry.”

“Jeekers!” His rope went limp. He spat in disgust and stalked off through the park. The Mauve Marauder followed, along with several other disappointed bounty hunters.

To Merc I said, “I hate to waste their time.”

“You are too kind,” said Merc. He marked the list. “That brings us to Malik of the Seven Blades! You’re up!”

Go on to part 4!

Best regards,
Dan McGirt

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Jason Cosmo: Noble Cause preview, part 2

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Another peek at the current draft of the first chapter of the forthcoming Jason Cosmo: NOBLE CAUSE. Picking up directly after the first preview:

“Getting killed can wreck one’s schedule,” said Merc.

“You have no idea,” I said. “At first it was but an ambush here, a drive-by crossbowing there. But it reached a point I couldn’t walk to the pub without a running street battle. I’ve lost three homes in as many weeks. And forget spending a romantic evening with Sapphrina. Nothing spoils the mood like Nynja assassins coming through the skylight!”

Merc shrugged. “Depends what mood you’re going for.” He leaned close and said in a conspiratorial tone, “I can clear your calendar if you’d like.” He snapped his fingers, giving off a blue spark of mystic energy. “One shot, the way they’re bunched together.”

He wasn’t called Boltblaster for nothing.

“No, Merc!” I said hastily. “I have to fight my own fights or I’ll never live down my reputation as the most feared man in the Eleven Kingdoms!”

“That almost makes sense,” said Merc. “But not quite.”

“It’s the principle,” I said. “This standing engagement every Whooshday morning has really cut down on random attacks and ambushes. I won’t say I’ve scotched them all, but if word gets around you’re blasting my foes wholesale, no one will play along. Then I’m right back where I started.”

“Fair enough. So how can I help?”

“Just call the list. My usual assistant is ill today.”

Merc studied a sheaf of papers attached to the clipboard I handed him. “Appointments? I thought you took all comers.”

“Yes, but I give preference to those who sign up in advance.”

Merc rolled his eyes.

“Well, what would you do, Merc?”

“I’d find those who want to kill me and hunt them down first.”

“I’m the Champion of The Gods, Merc! I can’t do that if I’m to convince the world I’m one of the good guys.”

“Good reputation is overrated,” said Merc. “But as you will.”

Read Part 3!

Best regards,
Dan McGirt

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Jason Cosmo: Noble Cause preview

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Just to prove I haven’t totally abandoned Jason Cosmo to make a career of flogging Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter, here is the most current version of the opening lines of NOBLE CAUSE. That said, I’ve revisited Chapter 1 dozens of times, so this could all change before publication, and probably will!

The big warrior twirled a battle ax around his head like it was a fly swatter—and me the fly. His long red hair was done in Malravian war braids, knotted around bits of metal and bone. This was the new fashion among Carathan street brawlers. Equally trendy was his brass-studded red and black designer cuirass from the Militas Pro collection. My own helm and coat of mail were no-brand hand-me-downs, as was my sword, but they served me well enough.

“Jason Cosmo, you die this day or my name is not Kyril the Red!” bellowed the ax-wielding fashion plate. His lovingly oiled biceps glistened in the morning sun.

“And if I refuse to die?” said I. “What then is your name?”

“Er, I think it would still be Kyril, wouldn’t it?”

“You tell me. But get back on line, Kyril, or not Kyril, or whatever you decide. We start at seven, no sooner.”

The other waiting killers laughed. Kyril sputtered. His face went as red as his armor. But he lowered his weapon.

“This is madness,” said Mercury Boltblaster. “I’m called reckless, but to invite your own murder? You’ve lost your mind.”

“I don’t invite my murder,” I said, clapping my friend on the shoulder. “I only try to make it less inconvenient for all concerned.”

“Thoughtful of you,” said the dusky-skinned wizard. “But your courtesy is misdirected. This is a gruesome lot.”

Mercury slid his mirrored sunshades down his nose and cast a gimlet eye over the gallery of rogues gathered at the dueling field near the duck pond in Pantheon Park. Each of them was eager to spill my blood.

The rogues, not the ducks.

“I find a bit of thoughtfulness goes a long way,” I said. “They’re going to try and kill me whether I cooperate or not. This way, they know where and when to find me, I know where and when the attack is coming, we don’t bother other people, and we can all better plan our day.”

With HERO WANTED, I was only touching up an opening scene I wrote 20 years prior. This is all new and I want to start NOBLE CAUSE with a bang. Does this grab you? Does it make you want to read on? (If so, read part 2 now!)

Best regards,
Dan McGirt

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Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Time to come clean. My ebook Twinkle was but a ruse, intended to lure you to your doom. Like the glittery vampires that infect so much of current fiction, Twinkle offers the promise of love and romance, lulls you into a false sense of warm security–and then, when  you least suspect it, goes straight for your throat! But Twinkle is no more. It has met its demise and emerged from the grave, reborn as Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter!

This was a false flag operation from the beginning.  The idea of casting Sarah Palin as a vampire hunter occurred to me on a Story Walk in the woods last fall. ((A Story Walk is when I drink lots of coffee and wander off into the forest. I get many of my best ideas that way.)) At the time, I thought “This will either be the coolest thing I’ve ever written, or a complete disaster. Either way, I’ve got to do it!”

I had what they call the high concept. What I didn’t have was a story. I kicked around various plots in my head, but nothing really grabbed me. I jotted down various bits of back story, but had no front story until a recent blizzard snowed me in for days on end. Cooped inside with nothing but my laptop and too much coffee, I started writing. I don’t care for shiny sparkly vampire high school teenage romance. I grew up on Tomb of Dracula comics, Salem’s Lot, and other old school undead. Vampires should be mean, scary, and terminated with extreme prejudice. Who better to do the job than Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter?

I wrote like a fiend. As the skies cleared, I had most of a story written and all of it outlined, but wasn’t quite done. The  madness was starting to wear off a bit and I knew my attention might wander. To force myself to the finish line, I announced that the story would debut March 1. But I didn’t want to reveal just yet what I was up to, so I called it Twinkle and released carefully selected previews to create the impression of an innocent tragic teenage vampire romance spoof.

The lead character doesn’t make her entrance for several pages. I imagined unsuspecting early readers chuckling along as Stella and Edmund emote at each other in the woods and then–WHAM! It’s a whole different story. From early reports, the desired effect was achieved. But I also wanted more people to read the story, so I knew that at some point I would do the big reveal and reflag this story with its true title: Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter.

Somewhat disconcerting to me was the fact that on the same day I launched Twinkle, Seth Grahame-Smith’s new book Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter debuted. I thought I had the presidential (or almost vice-presidential) vampire hunting genre to myself, but no. Clearly, something was in the air. (I haven’t picked up ALVH yet, but from all I’ve seen, it looks like Honest Abe has the right attitude when it comes to vampires. I fully endorse Lincoln’s vampire hunting activities.)

Whenever I have what I think is a really cool story idea, my next thought is always that someone must have done this already. From last fall I Google-searched “sarah palin vampire hunter” every few days just to make sure the coast was clear. I found lots of “sarah palin vampire” hits leading to pictures, pages, and comments by people who really dislike Sarah Palin. But no vampire hunting Palin. Since Twinkle launched on March 2, the phrase “Sarah Palin Vampire Hunter” has turned up twice in online political discourse. I don’t think either of those instances were by Twinkle readers. Rather, I think the Abe Lincoln book has people making the connection between political figures and slaying the undead.

I decided drop the pretense, pull back the curtain, and, I hope, draw more readers to the story. Which would you rather read: Twinkle or Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter?

Exactly.

Thanks to 600 or so Loyal Readers who gave Twinkle a try and got to be surprised. For the rest of you, the cat is out of the bag — but I think you’ll find many other fun surprises in the pages of Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Twinkle: Vampires My Way

Greetings, Loyal Reader:

Twinkle launched this week. The story has already received a few good reader reviews and is moving up the charts. For those who missed the previews, Twinkle is my take on the romantic vampire craze, offered as free ebook mini-novel. Here is the Smashwords blurb:

Twinkle. A small town with big secrets. Can Stella find eternal love with her vampire boyfriend Edmund? Will werewolf Jake’s own desire for Stella drive him to a fatal decision? Or will the arrival of a certain famous vampire slayer turn all their lives upside down? Twinkle is the vampire epic you’ve waited for—if you’ve already read all the other vampire epics. Enter Twinkle if you dare!

And here are a few Loyal Reader reviews:

“If you don’t mind a (not so) gentle poke at some of the current vamp romance hype, you’ll enjoy this story.”(Ommadawn)

“McGirt takes on a host of pop culture topics with the kid gloves left in their proper place: on the shelf. The angsty vampire genre receives a ten pound monkey wrench to the gut with hilarious results.” (MT Murphy. See full review on his blog.)

A hilarious romp through the “steamy underbrush” of current pop culture! Well done! (T. Shatzel)

So thank you to Loyal Readers who have tried Twinkle and to my kind reviewers. Now I’m back to work on NOBLE CAUSE!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Twinkle: new preview

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

My vampire mini-novel Twinkle launches March 1 on Smashwords. I’ve shared one scene over the last three days. Today I have a new preview. New scene. We join Stella running through the woods:

SMACK!
Stella slammed into a tree for the fifth or sixth time.
“Why are there so many trees in this forest!”
She hoped this wasn’t real, just another of her absurdly frequent and vivid nightmares. That had to be it!
This isn’t real! This isn’t real! This isn’t real!
But she kept running just in case.
Which way was the road? Was this the right trail? Which way was she running? Did it matter? She just had to get away, keep going until she woke up. Right?
Stella hit another tree, bounced off it, tipped over backward and slid down a steep incline.
“Let me help you up,” said a familiar voice.
“Where—where am I?” said Stella.
“Tresspassing on the Quixote reservation.”
“Jake? Is that you?”
The clouds parted and the moon revealed to Stella that it was indeed her childhood friend Jake. The muscular, dark-haired, bare-chested Quixote Indian teen wore sandals and a pair of cut-off jeans. He pulled Stella to her feet with effortless ease.
“What are you doing here, Stella?” he asked, flexing his biceps.
“I was out here with Edmund, my boyfriend, who is gorgeous and perfect and sparkly and dreamy.”
“Oh,” said Jake. He made the face one might make after stepping in something squishy.
“Yes, we were making out in a moonlit meadow, his full lips devouring mine, when—”
“I get it,” said Jake, curtly.
“No, I don’t think you understand. We were about to take our relationship to a new level and meld our bodies into—”
“Oh, for the love of—I get it, Stella! You and Edmund! Kissy-kissy, lovey-dovey, Oh, Edmund this! Edmund that! Edmund, Edmund, Edmund! Edmund is all you talk about every freaking Edmund minute of every freaking Edmund day! So you’re out here with Edmund. Awesome. I don’t need the details. Where is Mr. Awesome Sparklefingers anyway?”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Edmund is—oh my gosh!”
“Edmund is oh-my-gosh what?”
Stella dropped her voice to a whisper. “Jake, don’t move! There are like three humungous wolves standing right behind you!”
Jake rolled his eyes. “I know. I’m amazed you managed to notice them, though, seeing as none of them are Edmund!”

I think that is about all I can give you for now without revealing too much of the plot ahead of time. Don’t you hate those movie trailers that give away the whole story? Well, I do too. So no spoilers. You’ll have to tune in on March 1 to find out what happened out in the Oregon woods, why Stella is running into trees in the dark, and what happens next in the mysterious town of Twinkle.

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Twinkle: excerpt three

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

On March 1, it’s vampires my way, with the debut of Twinkle on Smashwords. Until then, here is a third excerpt. If you haven’t read excerpt 1 and excerpt 2 go read those first. This picks up right after excerpt 2, when Edmund says:

“And is it what you want? What you really, really want?”
“I want to be with you no matter what it takes, Edmund.”
“You’ll have to give up everything that you are, Stella, abandon your identity and forsake any semblance of a normal life. Are you willing to do all that to become…like me?”
“Yes! It is what I want more than anything, Edmund! To be like you. To be with you forever and ever until—’
“Hush.” Edmund pressed his index finger to Stella’s lips.
“What is it, Edmund? What’s wrong? Do you not love me enough? Are you worried about what people will think? Because I don’t—”
Now Edmund clamped his entire hand across Stella’s mouth, silencing her.
“Just hush,” he said. “Please. Not another word. You are so beautiful, Stella. So perfect. I love the way the moonlight shines on your luminous white skin. The way your dark hair catches the shadows. The heat of your body. So, so perfect.”
“Mmfph!” said Stella.
“And the beating of your heart.” Edmund pressed his ear against Stella’s chest. His head rode the rise and fall of her breath. “The perpetual pulsing rhythm, pushing your delicious—I mean, precious¬—blood through every part of your body. Through your fingers, through your toes…through the veins of your throat. I love that sound. But I can’t hear it, even with my exceptional hearing, over the unyielding cacophony of your incessant yammering. So, please, don’t spoil our last moment together, Stella. Just hush.”
He removed his hand. Stella took a breath. She opened her mouth to speak. Edmund regarded her sternly. She hesitated, but could not contain herself.
“Last moment?” she asked, half in hope, half in fear of what he meant.
“The last moment before everything changes for us,” he said.
“Do you really mean this, Edmund? Is it time? Are you finally going to do it to me?”
“Yes, Stella.”
“Oh, Edmund! I’m so happy! You have no idea what this means to me! I can’t wait to finally be—”
Edmund clamped his hand over her mouth again and bent the girl’s head back, exposing the soft white flesh of her throat. The scent of her excitement, the rush of her quickening heartbeat, sent a thrill through his cold form. She shuddered in his grasp.
“This may sting at first,” said Edmund. His incisors protruded. “But it will all be over soon.”
Edmund pulled Stella more tightly against him. He leaned in, brushing her skin with his lips. He opened his mouth. She closed her eyes. Stella’s whole body vibrated with anticipation of what was to come next.

And I think we better cut away for now! Come back March 1 for the rest of the scene, and the rest of Twinkle!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Twinkle: second excerpt

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Below is the second excerpt from my vampire mini-epic Twinkle, coming March 1 as a free Smashwords ebook. Vampires my way!  If you haven’t read the first excerpt yet, go read that first. This picks up with the very next line:

“I dream about you when I sleep, except I don’t sleep. I just lie awake thinking about you. Or texting my friends about you. Sometimes, late at night, I update my Facebook profile to say how much I miss you and that I’m thinking about you. And then I write poems about you in my LiveJournal.”
“Yes, I’ve read some of those,” said Edmund. “You don’t pay attention in English class either, do you?”
“I can’t! Maybe I should set my LJ to private, but I don’t care. I don’t care, Edmund! I don’t care who knows how I feel because I want everyone to know how I feel about you because it’s how I feel about you and everyone should care.”
“About?”
“How I feel about you!”
“Right.”
“Oh, Edmund, you’re so sparkly and gorgeous and moody. I want to be with you forever!”
His tourmaline eyes flickered red. “Do you really mean that?”
“Yes. I want to spend every second with you until the end of time! I have this aching, longing, yearning, indescribable need to be with you that I can’t even describe.”
“I think you just did.”
“It fills me, Edmund! My need to be with you constantly, always, forever. It fills me up. It makes me ache and tingle and ties my stomach in a knot and sometimes I just throw up on myself because I love you so much!”
“A lovely image,” said Edmund. “But, listen, Stella—”
She knit her brow in confusion. “Listen? What does that mean?”
Edmund sighed. “It means you stop talking and I say something.” He cupped her face in his hands and stared deeply into her chocolate chip eyes. “It mean you use these cute ears of yours for once.”
“I record myself reading the poems I write about you and then I upload the recordings to my iPod and I listen to them while I curl up in a ball under the dining room table because I miss you so much.”
“Not what I meant. Stella, this is important. Do you really want to be with me forever? Do you even know what that means?”
“I do, Edmund,” she said breathlessly. “I do know.”

More to come …

Best regards,

Dan McGirt