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Jason Cosmo Cover Story, Part 3

A Note to Loyal Readers of the Future: From my blog stats I can tell that few people are reading the Jason Cosmo Update here in October of 2008. So chances are that if you’re reading this at all, you’re doing so in the distant future, perhaps in a time in which the Jason Cosmo books have become the basis for a new Golden Age of universal peace, prosperity, and astonishing artistic, scientific and technological wonders. I don’t know, because I haven’t written that particular book yet here in the present. What I do know if that this post provides answers to questions posed in the previous post Jason Cosmo Cover Story, Part 2. So you should read that one first. — Dan McGirt

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Pencils down!

Last time I invited you to find the errors in the back cover copy on the original edition of Jason Cosmo, of which there are at least seven. (Special thanks to the precisely one of you who shared your answers with the rest of us.) This time, as promised, I will reveal my answers. Some errors are straightforward and some are a question of interpretation, as you’ll see.

Let’s go through line by line.

The Case of Mistaken Heroics

This makes the book sound like a Sherlock Holmes story. Or maybe one of Glen Cook‘s excellent Garrett PI books. But it promises heroics and some sort of mistake. Accurate enough!

Jason Cosmo is perfectly happy to be a woodcutter in the village of Hicksnittle

  • Bzzzt! Jason is from Lower Hicksnittle. You see why I question Cover Text Guy’s commitment to this assignment. We’re not even through the first sentence and we’ve got Error #1.

until an inept bounty hunter claims Jason Cosmo is the Mighty Champion and puts a price on his head — ten million crowns!

I’m not sure that the bounty hunter in question, Lombardo of Calador, was inept, but I’ll let that pass. There are two more serious errors here:

  • Lombardo makes no claim that Jason is the Mighty Champion. Error #2
  • Lombardo, as a bounty hunter, did not put the price on Jason’s head. He was actually trying to collect the price on Jason’s head. Being a bounty hunter and all. Error #3

Now Jason must escape and prove his mettle in the Incredibly Dark Forest against such formidable enemies as Natalia Slash and Vixen von Hotfur,

  • General Hotfur, while formidable, is not an enemy. Error #3
  • It’s Vixen Hotfur. Not “von Hotfur” Seriously, where did that come from? Error #4

two seductive mercenaries

  • Yes, Slash and Hotfur are both mercenaries. But I would not call either of them “seductive.” Honestly, nothing either of them does in the story could remotely be called seductive. Unless, of course, you’re really into being hacked to death with a sword. Error #5

hired to lure Jason into the Jaws of Death.

  • Hotfur was not hired to do anything regarding Jason. Error #6 Yeah, I may be double-counting Hotfur’s non-enemyness–but that “von” really bothers me.
  • We can take the Jaws of Death reference here as metaphorical. Cute metaphorical, but I’ll let it slide.

Even the aid of the wizard Mercury Boltblaster is not enough to combat the Demon Lords and the Dark Magic Society.

True.

And to make matters even more dangerous, the Gods decide that Jason must become the Mighty Champion in deed as well as name.

  • It is always “The Gods” when referencing Arden’s deities collectively. Like “The Who” or “The Beatles” or other such acts. Just a silly little stylistic thing I did. Hard to miss. If you actually care about doing your job. As Cover Text Guy clearly did not. Error #7
  • Also, technically, The Gods don’t ask Jason to become the Mighty Champion. Again, I’ll let it go.

He must Overcome All Odds to wrest the magic Superwand from Deadly Enemies.

  • Okay. I admit I have fun with Capitalization in the book for mild comic effect. But I more or less follow the normal modern rules of capitalization. You’ve got The Gods — proper name of a group. There is the Mighty Champion — proper name of a person. The Jaws of Death — also a proper name. Superwand — ditto. But, unless my memory fails me, I don’t engage in Random Capitalization for No Good Reason at all, as this sentence strongly implies. I can’t call “Overcome All Odds” or “Deadly Enemies” an Error As Such. But it sure irks me.
  • Also, Jason actually doesn’t have to wrest the Superwand from anybody. That is almost the complete opposite of what is happening with the Superwand. I’m not counting this as Error #8 because I think I’ve made my point.

For no one else would be foolish enough to stand against the magical forces to restore the dread power of the long-vanquished Evil Empire!

  • This sentence doesn’t even make sense. This sentence is why I’m convinced Cover Text Guy got Exceptionally Wasted the Night Before working on my cover and had a Massive Headache or was perhaps Hopped Up on prescription drugs. Somewhere between “forces” and “restore” a verb got lost. “Seeking” would fit there. Not a true Factual Error but a Serious Omission.

So, do any of these Woeful Errors matter to anyone but me? Did any Loyal Reader, after finishing Jason Cosmo, take a look at the back cover and say, “Wait a minute! That’s not the story I was promised at all! Where are the seductive mercenaries?”

Probably not. I mean, if you read the book, then CTG got the job done, didn’t he? So what am I complaining about? Well, although as an author I do find these errors annoying, I’m thinking more as a reader. When I’m browsing the shelves at my local bookstore I rely, in part, on the descriptions composed by CTG and his cover-copy composing colleagues. I trust them to give it to me straight. I’m sure they are underpaid, underappreciated and beaten regularly by senior editors. But that’s no excuse for renamed characters and nonsensical syntax.

(Although it is fun to say “nonsensical syntax.” Try it five times fast.)

In conclusion, caveat emptor. Take those back cover and dust jacket descriptions of books with a grain of salt.

Unless you’re on a low sodium diet.

But let me also assure you that I will be personally composing the cover text for the Trove Books editions of Hero Wanted and Noble Cause. So if I get it wrong, you’ll know who to blame!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt