Jason Cosmo in Rainy Daze, Part 2

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Below is the next section of my Jason Cosmo novelette-in-progress, Rainy Daze.  Before you read this, you’ll want to back up to the previous post, and read Part 1.  And before you do that, you should buy Hero Wanted, the first volume of the Jason Cosmo series. (Or get the Hero Wanted ebook at Smashwords.) This story is set between chapters of Hero Wanted, specifically after Chapter 6 and somewhere between the lines of the first paragraph of Chapter 7. It isn’t strictly necessary to read the first 6 chapters of the book before you read Rainy Daze, but it may help.

***

Who blazed this trail and where it went, I did not know. Mercury didn’t know either, but the wizard led the way with resolute confidence. The path was steep and narrow and made more treacherous by the unending flow of water around the fetlocks of our steeds. Every ridge, gully and channel tracing down from the heights was awash with swift-flowing runoff. The river passed from sight as we picked our way between the hilltops, but its great roar contended with that of the storm.

Wind howled around us, flapping our cloaks, bending the trees and slapping at our faces with flying leaves and stinging raindrops. Terrible peals of thunder shook the ground and spooked the unhappy horses. Fearsome clouds blotted out the last remnants of sunshine, leaving our way to be lit by blasts of lightning that shot across the sky like tongues of white flame.

Never had I beheld such a tempest as this. The rains of Darnk were dull and monotonous. But this was like something out of the old stories, the myths of long ago. Had the golden chariot of Great Whoosh, God of Wind and Sky, overturned, spilling its cargo of thunderbolts across the clouds? Had Thunderhoof and Skysplitter, the ornery goats tasked with pulling the chariot, broken out of their pen and partaken of the fermented pomegranate whiskey that Freshlord, God of Fruits and Vegetables, kept in a clay jug behind his sacred tool shed?  Perhaps a massive cold front advancing through moist, warm air had triggered atmospheric instability leading to high intensity precipitation and an accumulation of charged particles released as a massive electric discharge that in turn superheated the air, resulting in the aerial shockwaves we perceived as thunder? I didn’t know. Yet whatever its causes, this was a downpour of legendary proportions. It could only portend ill.

I grew more uneasy with every step away from the river road. Darnkites were not by nature travelers. My homeland was so isolated from the rest of the Eleven Kingdoms that it didn’t even share a border with its nearest neighbor, Brythalia. Between the two realms lay this unclaimed wilderness of rocky hills and scrubby forest that now we crossed. All manner of beasts roamed the area—bear, goat, deer, boar, hobcat, and various fowl, including the noisome stinkbird.

But that wasn’t all.

Darnkites delighted to tell one another tall tales about the dangers beyond our borders. When we gathered in our drafty taverns or around the smoking dung fires at night, we spoke of the many fearsome creatures said to dwell in these strange hills beyond our stony pastures and familiar turnip fields. Gruffasaurs and grumpsnorts. The pearly-eyed horngrim and the irritable stumpthrower. Rock toads the size of small boulders. Bully beetles that would bore a hole in your skull while you slept and lay eggs in your brain. Bands of vicious goblins, brutal hobgoblins, and pretentious snobgoblins. The hairless boggins, who stole buttons in the night, and their magical cousins the frownies, who would gruntingly relieve themselves in any pair of boots carelessly left by the doorstep when the moon was full.

Nor were the supernatural terrors of the region limited to such third-class fairy folk. There were slithy troves here. Ghosts who drank blood. Scare hags. Phantom creepers. Free-range enchanted kettles that would cook anyone unwary enough to climb inside them. And the terrible, terrible Jib-Jab Man. Having heard these stories all my life, I had every reason to fear venturing cross country. Yes, it was possible that the monsters rumored to stalk these hills did not exist outside the alcohol-addled imagination of my countrymen. But maybe they did.

Maybe they did.

***

“What is that sound?” said Rubis.

“All is hear is wind and rain,” I said.

Night was near. Though we could not see the setting sun, the wet gloom grew gloomier.

“No, there is something more,” said Sapphrina. “There! Do you hear it?”

I did. Cutting through the storm came a distinct wailing cry. It rose and fell, then was gone. The sound was distant, but not distant enough.

“A raccoon,” I said.

“Raccoon?” said Rubis.

“That was no raccoon!” said Sapphrina.

“Could have been,” I insisted. “A scared raccoon stuck in a tree.”

“Are you serious?” said Sapphrina. “It sounded more like a lost soul.”

“Like the wail of the shanbee,” said Rubis, nodding.

“That’s it!” said Sapphrina. “The dreadful spirit whose mournful keening is heard when someone is about to die. How does the verse go?”

Beware the shanbee, ye who shan’t be,” quoted Rubis.

“Do you think so?” I said. I had not considered the possibility of encountering a shanbee.

“Much more likely than a raccoon,” said Sapphrina.

“Might be a lamia,” said Rubis. “Half-woman, half-beast. Devourer of men.”

“Only men?” I said.

Seeing the stricken look on my face, the twins laughed.

“Oh, Jason, we shan’t let the lamia have you!” said Sapphrina.

“We’re hardly done with your ourselves,” said Rubis. She licked her lips.

“But a shanbee could give us trouble,” said Sapphrina. She turned serious. “You don’t think it is one really, do you?”

“It is neither shanbee nor lamia,” said Mercury.

“How do you know?” I asked.

“Because I’ve heard both and that is neither. Now, hush, all of you!”

The cry came again through the wind. It was distinctly louder.

Merc frowned. “We need to find a defensible position, and fast.”

“Why?”

“Whatever is out there—it’s hunting us.”

TO BE CONTINUED … AT SMASHWORDS.COM

I think I’ll leave you with that cliffhanger for now. I haven’t quite finished writing this tale, but plan to do so in the coming days. When I finish, I will release it as a multi-format ebook at Smashwords. In the meantime, you can pop over there and read my two Jack Scarlet tales and my 2008 Halloween story, Beginner’s Luck, as well as the full text of Hero Wanted.  By the way, if you enjoy any of those stories, please 1) recommend them to a friend and 2) post a review at Smashwords.  (And if you hate the stories, please warn your friends … but give them the link, so they’ll know exactly what to avoid!)

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

Hero Wanted – The Reviews Are In!

Greetings,  Loyal Reader!

The first reader reviews of Hero Wanted are starting to appear online, and so far they are overwhelmingly positive! I’m glad to know that Loyal Readers are enjoying the book and I especially appreciate those who have emailed or commented to let me know or have posted a review to let the world at large know.  Thank you!

Let’s get to it:

Loyal Reader Georges, from Luxembourg, recommended the Hero Wanted ebook in the MobileRead Forums:

“Funny read.”

Georges was seconded by forum members Dr. Drib of Peru, Slite from Sweden (who is the Minister of The Large Dogs Of Infinite Peace And Absurdity, which is a very important cabinet position in Sweden. I think.). Several MobileRead members downloaded Hero Wanted on the strength of their recommendations, helping make Hero Wanted the #1 novel on Smashwords! ((By number of downloads)) Thanks, Georges, Dr. Drib, and Minister Slite!

Last week, the first two Amazon reader reviews came in — both are 5-star ratings, for a grand total of 10 stars!

First, Loyal Reader H. Johnson from Minnesota says:

Clever and Funny with a good story too … It’s rare for a book to be able to walk that line between being a genuine fantasy novel, and a parody novel. This book gets that balance just right. Not too silly, but not serious either. … The wit is sharp, and some of the humor is dry, but that’s how I like it…

This is like a “Director’s Cut” of a movie. He has gone back and re-written the entire book from the ground up…Think Extended Edition Lord of the Rings, not Special Edition Star Wars. He took something good, and made it better.

Follow the link to read the rest of this 5-star review, including the parts I …’d out.

Next, we hear from Loyal Reader Rick Friedman:

HERO WANTED has shown that one can create a fantasy story- yet allow the characters to be painted with wit, smarts and intrigue. Not since the Late Douglas Adams have I read an author with such skills as Dan McGirt.

… This is a book that should be bought, as it can be read over and over, and digested like a fine French dinner, with new insights appearing with each reading.

But much less fattening! Thanks H and Rick for your generous reviews! I’m glad you enjoyed the book and I appreciate you encouraging others to try Hero Wanted.

That’s all the reviews I’ve seen so far. If you’ve read Hero Wanted and enjoyed the book, I encourage you to post your own review. If you didn’t like it, I don’t encourage you as strongly! But you could still post a review and discuss what you see as the flaws in my story–who knows, it might help me do better on the next book.

If you do come across a review, good or bad, that I haven’t mentioned, please let me know either in a comment here, on my JasonCosmo Twitter page, at my Dan McGirt Facebook page, or by writing me at Dan @JasonCosmo.com

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

Smashwords interview with Dan McGirt about HERO WANTED

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

My first interview about Hero Wanted was with Mark Coker, founder and CEO of  Smashwords, where you can still download the free Hero Wanted ebook.

Mark and his team at Smashwords have created a great, easy-to-use ebook publishing platform for non-techies like me. Our interview was more about why I chose Smashwords than about the literary merits, if any, of Hero Wanted, but I got in a bit of shameless self-promotion. You see, he’s selling Smashwords while I’m selling my book. It’s comedy gold! Give it a read!

Grab the free Hero Wanted ebook! And order the print edition! Then call it a day — I am!

Okay, I’ll stop yelling now.

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

Jason Cosmo HERO WANTED: On Sale Soon!

SPECIAL ALERT! UPDATE: Forget what I said below:  You can pre-order Hero Wanted at BarnesandNoble.com!

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

A quick update on the Trove Books print edition of Hero Wanted. I have received the first copy from the printer.  It looks good. It looks real good. Right now it is the only copy in existence, so I take it with me everywhere!

However, copy #1 will soon be joined by many more. I’ve ordered a couple of cases of books to bring with me to Dragon*Con 2009 — where I will be a guest, appearing September 5-7 in Atlanta.  If you haven’t got your copy of Hero Wanted by Labor Day weekend, come to Dragon*Con. I’ll have one with your name on it!

After you pay for it, of course.

As for regular sales channels, right now I’m waiting for data about Hero Wanted‘s availability to migrate out to booksellers. Until a book shows up in their computers, it doesn’t really exist, unfortunately.  I hope Hero Wanted will be included in the data stream by the beginning of August — at which point it will be available for purchase from Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, and other online booksellers or through your local bricks-and-mortar bookstore.

Believe me — I’ll let you know as soon as that happens! Until then, keep watching the skies.

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

Jason Cosmo HERO WANTED Ebook

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

The print edition of Hero Wanted is in its final stages. I’ll let you know as soon as it it available.

In the meantime, you can read Hero Wanted right now as an ebook. It is available as a free download at Smashwords.com

More than 200 people have already downloaded Hero Wanted in the past week — and at least one Loyal Reader has read the whole thing!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

Jason Cosmo HERO WANTED: Read it now!

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

The Jason Cosmo HERO WANTED free ebook is going fast! More than 100 copies were downloaded in the first 48 hours. Not quite “The Plant” numbers, but not bad considering the ebook was launched late on a Saturday night, with no advance warning. (I’m just unpredictable that way.)

Now, if you don’t care for ebooks and want to wait until the print edition is out, that is fine by me. But if you’ve been waiting ever so patiently for HERO WANTED and just can’t wait any longer to start reading it, now is your chance. Just pop over to Smashwords.com and get your very own digital copy in one of seven delicious ebook formats. Javascript! HTML!  Epub!  Mobipocket!  Rocky Road!

By the way, if you are one of the 100+ already reading HERO WANTED, please let me know what you think. You can comment at JasonCosmo.com, on my Facebook page, or write to me at Dan @ JasonCosmo.com. I hope you’re enjoying the book and I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

Jason Cosmo HERO WANTED Ebook Released!

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Can’t wait for the print edition of HERO WANTED to get here?  Me either!

But you don’t have to wait any longer to start reading it –Trove Books has released an ebook edition of HERO WANTED on Smashwords.com!

And the best part? It’s free!  Read HERO WANTED by Dan McGirt for free, right now, at Smashwords.com.

Hero Wanted (2009)

Hero Wanted (2009)

The ebooks on Smashwords can be read online using their online readers (though I think that would be fairly tedious), or they can be downloaded to other reading devices such as the iPhone, iPod Touch, Amazon Kindle, Sony Reader or IRex Iliad, ((Whatever that is.)) or to other e-reading devices.  (I own none of the above, so you’ll have to let me know how the reading experience is.)

Smashwords ebooks are completely DRM-free. ((Because I despise DRM and I trust you not to sell bootleg copies in Bulgaria. Chances are someone beat you to that anyway.))

Check it out! Let me know what you think. And feel free to share this link to the HERO WANTED ebook with friends: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/2922

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

Jason Cosmo and the Hobgoblins of Consistency

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote that “a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” I’m sure this quote never quite meant to me what Emerson intended, because I always picture cantankerous D&D hobgoblins saying foolish things and clubbing people who disagree with them.

What has this to do with Jason Cosmo? As any reader of an ongoing fantasy, science fiction, detective, or other series knows, eventually even the most careful author will contradict him- or herself regarding the established facts of the fictional world.  In Book 1, Throndor the Barbarian was an only child, but in Book 7 he recalls hunting spider bears with his brothers back in the day.  And don’t get me started on Star Trek.

Sometimes these contradictions are on minor points, sometimes they go to the fundamental logic of the fictional world. When I was a much, much younger reader such errors or illogic tended to bother me. I can nitpick with the best of them. However, many years of reading superhero comics pretty much beat that out of me. ((Jason Todd Robin came back to life because Superboy Prime punched reality.  Uh … okay.)) I learned to stop worrying and love the retcon.  Actually, I think the old Marvel Comics No-Prize was the coolest response to apparent errors:  “We made a mistake? No, no.  It may look like a mistake, but there is actually a good explanation. That one of our readers will provide.”

Having now authored a fantasy series myself, I am much more forgiving of the apparent errors made by other authors. When you’re making up the entire history, culture, commerce, etc. of a world on the fly, it is hard to keep everything straight. I maintain a timeline of Arden’s history and the events of each book, and I have uploaded notes to the Cosmopedia — but even that may not be internally consistent.

My real-world explanation of any errors is that I’m only human. With the addtional caveat that, Jason Cosmo being a humorous adventure, I will sometimes deliberately sacrifice logic or consistency for the sake of a joke.

But the in-continuity explanation for the inevitable errors that will arise as we go forward? That’s part of the fun! I hope that as I continue to chronicle Jason Cosmo’s adventure, that the characters and world will be engaging and interesting enough that Loyal Readers will actually find details worth nitpicking or debating. Just assume that any apparent mistakes are on purpose — even if that purpose is yet to be revealed!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

Myth Adventures of Jason Cosmo

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

In the last two posts, I revealed the influence of the comic strip Finieous Fingers on the original Jason Cosmo stories that I wrote in middle school and high school. Today I continue that theme by considering some of the influences and inspirations for the Jason Cosmo books.

Obviously, all of the epic and not-so-epic fantasy stories I read prior to 1987, along with movies, TV shows, comics, other pop culture, current events, history, mythology, and other reading that I absorbed went into the mix. It would be impossible to identify every influence on my early writing. But I can definitely recall and acknowledge a few authors that I particularly looked to as models when I was writing Jason Cosmo.

One was Robert Asprin, particularly for his Myth Adventures series chronicling the adventures (well, myth-adventures) of Aahz and Skeeve.

Another Fine Myth

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