Author: Dan McGirt

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Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Time to come clean. My ebook Twinkle was but a ruse, intended to lure you to your doom. Like the glittery vampires that infect so much of current fiction, Twinkle offers the promise of love and romance, lulls you into a false sense of warm security–and then, when  you least suspect it, goes straight for your throat! But Twinkle is no more. It has met its demise and emerged from the grave, reborn as Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter!

This was a false flag operation from the beginning.  The idea of casting Sarah Palin as a vampire hunter occurred to me on a Story Walk in the woods last fall. ((A Story Walk is when I drink lots of coffee and wander off into the forest. I get many of my best ideas that way.)) At the time, I thought “This will either be the coolest thing I’ve ever written, or a complete disaster. Either way, I’ve got to do it!”

I had what they call the high concept. What I didn’t have was a story. I kicked around various plots in my head, but nothing really grabbed me. I jotted down various bits of back story, but had no front story until a recent blizzard snowed me in for days on end. Cooped inside with nothing but my laptop and too much coffee, I started writing. I don’t care for shiny sparkly vampire high school teenage romance. I grew up on Tomb of Dracula comics, Salem’s Lot, and other old school undead. Vampires should be mean, scary, and terminated with extreme prejudice. Who better to do the job than Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter?

I wrote like a fiend. As the skies cleared, I had most of a story written and all of it outlined, but wasn’t quite done. The  madness was starting to wear off a bit and I knew my attention might wander. To force myself to the finish line, I announced that the story would debut March 1. But I didn’t want to reveal just yet what I was up to, so I called it Twinkle and released carefully selected previews to create the impression of an innocent tragic teenage vampire romance spoof.

The lead character doesn’t make her entrance for several pages. I imagined unsuspecting early readers chuckling along as Stella and Edmund emote at each other in the woods and then–WHAM! It’s a whole different story. From early reports, the desired effect was achieved. But I also wanted more people to read the story, so I knew that at some point I would do the big reveal and reflag this story with its true title: Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter.

Somewhat disconcerting to me was the fact that on the same day I launched Twinkle, Seth Grahame-Smith’s new book Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter debuted. I thought I had the presidential (or almost vice-presidential) vampire hunting genre to myself, but no. Clearly, something was in the air. (I haven’t picked up ALVH yet, but from all I’ve seen, it looks like Honest Abe has the right attitude when it comes to vampires. I fully endorse Lincoln’s vampire hunting activities.)

Whenever I have what I think is a really cool story idea, my next thought is always that someone must have done this already. From last fall I Google-searched “sarah palin vampire hunter” every few days just to make sure the coast was clear. I found lots of “sarah palin vampire” hits leading to pictures, pages, and comments by people who really dislike Sarah Palin. But no vampire hunting Palin. Since Twinkle launched on March 2, the phrase “Sarah Palin Vampire Hunter” has turned up twice in online political discourse. I don’t think either of those instances were by Twinkle readers. Rather, I think the Abe Lincoln book has people making the connection between political figures and slaying the undead.

I decided drop the pretense, pull back the curtain, and, I hope, draw more readers to the story. Which would you rather read: Twinkle or Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter?

Exactly.

Thanks to 600 or so Loyal Readers who gave Twinkle a try and got to be surprised. For the rest of you, the cat is out of the bag — but I think you’ll find many other fun surprises in the pages of Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Twinkle: Vampires My Way

Greetings, Loyal Reader:

Twinkle launched this week. The story has already received a few good reader reviews and is moving up the charts. For those who missed the previews, Twinkle is my take on the romantic vampire craze, offered as free ebook mini-novel. Here is the Smashwords blurb:

Twinkle. A small town with big secrets. Can Stella find eternal love with her vampire boyfriend Edmund? Will werewolf Jake’s own desire for Stella drive him to a fatal decision? Or will the arrival of a certain famous vampire slayer turn all their lives upside down? Twinkle is the vampire epic you’ve waited for—if you’ve already read all the other vampire epics. Enter Twinkle if you dare!

And here are a few Loyal Reader reviews:

“If you don’t mind a (not so) gentle poke at some of the current vamp romance hype, you’ll enjoy this story.”(Ommadawn)

“McGirt takes on a host of pop culture topics with the kid gloves left in their proper place: on the shelf. The angsty vampire genre receives a ten pound monkey wrench to the gut with hilarious results.” (MT Murphy. See full review on his blog.)

A hilarious romp through the “steamy underbrush” of current pop culture! Well done! (T. Shatzel)

So thank you to Loyal Readers who have tried Twinkle and to my kind reviewers. Now I’m back to work on NOBLE CAUSE!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Twinkle: new preview

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

My vampire mini-novel Twinkle launches March 1 on Smashwords. I’ve shared one scene over the last three days. Today I have a new preview. New scene. We join Stella running through the woods:

SMACK!
Stella slammed into a tree for the fifth or sixth time.
“Why are there so many trees in this forest!”
She hoped this wasn’t real, just another of her absurdly frequent and vivid nightmares. That had to be it!
This isn’t real! This isn’t real! This isn’t real!
But she kept running just in case.
Which way was the road? Was this the right trail? Which way was she running? Did it matter? She just had to get away, keep going until she woke up. Right?
Stella hit another tree, bounced off it, tipped over backward and slid down a steep incline.
“Let me help you up,” said a familiar voice.
“Where—where am I?” said Stella.
“Tresspassing on the Quixote reservation.”
“Jake? Is that you?”
The clouds parted and the moon revealed to Stella that it was indeed her childhood friend Jake. The muscular, dark-haired, bare-chested Quixote Indian teen wore sandals and a pair of cut-off jeans. He pulled Stella to her feet with effortless ease.
“What are you doing here, Stella?” he asked, flexing his biceps.
“I was out here with Edmund, my boyfriend, who is gorgeous and perfect and sparkly and dreamy.”
“Oh,” said Jake. He made the face one might make after stepping in something squishy.
“Yes, we were making out in a moonlit meadow, his full lips devouring mine, when—”
“I get it,” said Jake, curtly.
“No, I don’t think you understand. We were about to take our relationship to a new level and meld our bodies into—”
“Oh, for the love of—I get it, Stella! You and Edmund! Kissy-kissy, lovey-dovey, Oh, Edmund this! Edmund that! Edmund, Edmund, Edmund! Edmund is all you talk about every freaking Edmund minute of every freaking Edmund day! So you’re out here with Edmund. Awesome. I don’t need the details. Where is Mr. Awesome Sparklefingers anyway?”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Edmund is—oh my gosh!”
“Edmund is oh-my-gosh what?”
Stella dropped her voice to a whisper. “Jake, don’t move! There are like three humungous wolves standing right behind you!”
Jake rolled his eyes. “I know. I’m amazed you managed to notice them, though, seeing as none of them are Edmund!”

I think that is about all I can give you for now without revealing too much of the plot ahead of time. Don’t you hate those movie trailers that give away the whole story? Well, I do too. So no spoilers. You’ll have to tune in on March 1 to find out what happened out in the Oregon woods, why Stella is running into trees in the dark, and what happens next in the mysterious town of Twinkle.

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Twinkle: excerpt three

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

On March 1, it’s vampires my way, with the debut of Twinkle on Smashwords. Until then, here is a third excerpt. If you haven’t read excerpt 1 and excerpt 2 go read those first. This picks up right after excerpt 2, when Edmund says:

“And is it what you want? What you really, really want?”
“I want to be with you no matter what it takes, Edmund.”
“You’ll have to give up everything that you are, Stella, abandon your identity and forsake any semblance of a normal life. Are you willing to do all that to become…like me?”
“Yes! It is what I want more than anything, Edmund! To be like you. To be with you forever and ever until—’
“Hush.” Edmund pressed his index finger to Stella’s lips.
“What is it, Edmund? What’s wrong? Do you not love me enough? Are you worried about what people will think? Because I don’t—”
Now Edmund clamped his entire hand across Stella’s mouth, silencing her.
“Just hush,” he said. “Please. Not another word. You are so beautiful, Stella. So perfect. I love the way the moonlight shines on your luminous white skin. The way your dark hair catches the shadows. The heat of your body. So, so perfect.”
“Mmfph!” said Stella.
“And the beating of your heart.” Edmund pressed his ear against Stella’s chest. His head rode the rise and fall of her breath. “The perpetual pulsing rhythm, pushing your delicious—I mean, precious¬—blood through every part of your body. Through your fingers, through your toes…through the veins of your throat. I love that sound. But I can’t hear it, even with my exceptional hearing, over the unyielding cacophony of your incessant yammering. So, please, don’t spoil our last moment together, Stella. Just hush.”
He removed his hand. Stella took a breath. She opened her mouth to speak. Edmund regarded her sternly. She hesitated, but could not contain herself.
“Last moment?” she asked, half in hope, half in fear of what he meant.
“The last moment before everything changes for us,” he said.
“Do you really mean this, Edmund? Is it time? Are you finally going to do it to me?”
“Yes, Stella.”
“Oh, Edmund! I’m so happy! You have no idea what this means to me! I can’t wait to finally be—”
Edmund clamped his hand over her mouth again and bent the girl’s head back, exposing the soft white flesh of her throat. The scent of her excitement, the rush of her quickening heartbeat, sent a thrill through his cold form. She shuddered in his grasp.
“This may sting at first,” said Edmund. His incisors protruded. “But it will all be over soon.”
Edmund pulled Stella more tightly against him. He leaned in, brushing her skin with his lips. He opened his mouth. She closed her eyes. Stella’s whole body vibrated with anticipation of what was to come next.

And I think we better cut away for now! Come back March 1 for the rest of the scene, and the rest of Twinkle!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Twinkle: second excerpt

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Below is the second excerpt from my vampire mini-epic Twinkle, coming March 1 as a free Smashwords ebook. Vampires my way!  If you haven’t read the first excerpt yet, go read that first. This picks up with the very next line:

“I dream about you when I sleep, except I don’t sleep. I just lie awake thinking about you. Or texting my friends about you. Sometimes, late at night, I update my Facebook profile to say how much I miss you and that I’m thinking about you. And then I write poems about you in my LiveJournal.”
“Yes, I’ve read some of those,” said Edmund. “You don’t pay attention in English class either, do you?”
“I can’t! Maybe I should set my LJ to private, but I don’t care. I don’t care, Edmund! I don’t care who knows how I feel because I want everyone to know how I feel about you because it’s how I feel about you and everyone should care.”
“About?”
“How I feel about you!”
“Right.”
“Oh, Edmund, you’re so sparkly and gorgeous and moody. I want to be with you forever!”
His tourmaline eyes flickered red. “Do you really mean that?”
“Yes. I want to spend every second with you until the end of time! I have this aching, longing, yearning, indescribable need to be with you that I can’t even describe.”
“I think you just did.”
“It fills me, Edmund! My need to be with you constantly, always, forever. It fills me up. It makes me ache and tingle and ties my stomach in a knot and sometimes I just throw up on myself because I love you so much!”
“A lovely image,” said Edmund. “But, listen, Stella—”
She knit her brow in confusion. “Listen? What does that mean?”
Edmund sighed. “It means you stop talking and I say something.” He cupped her face in his hands and stared deeply into her chocolate chip eyes. “It mean you use these cute ears of yours for once.”
“I record myself reading the poems I write about you and then I upload the recordings to my iPod and I listen to them while I curl up in a ball under the dining room table because I miss you so much.”
“Not what I meant. Stella, this is important. Do you really want to be with me forever? Do you even know what that means?”
“I do, Edmund,” she said breathlessly. “I do know.”

More to come …

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

 

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Twinkle: an excerpt

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

Here is an excerpt from my vampire mini-novel Twinkle, coming March 1 at Smashwords:

Twinkle, Oregon

Twilight’s last gleaming fell softly through the mist between the trees. Sinuous fingers of fog caressed the upright shafts and trailed teasingly through the underbrush. The sun plunged into the wet darkness of the rolling sea. Above, parting clouds exposed a full, round, ripe, pale moon heaving upward into the night sky. Its tender light groped downward to find a young couple in a forest clearing, clutched in a tight embrace, their lips melded together in a deep and passionate kiss. They broke apart.
“Oh, Edmund!” said Stella, gasping. “Sometimes I think I’ll suffocate from kissing you! It’s like you never need air.”
“Sorry,” said Edmund. He smiled apologetically. “Sometimes you make me forget to breathe.”
Stella grinned. “When you put it like that, I don’t mind at all. Oh, Edmund, I love you so much!”
“And I love—”
“I mean, I really, really, deeply, completely love you with every single part of me from my head to my toes.”
“I feel the—”
“I mean every single molecule of me loves you! Every atom! Every one of those sub-atomic thingies that Mr. Flagg talks about in science class but I don’t really know what they are because I spend the whole class staring at you or passing notes to Callie about how much I love you or writing your name on my notebook.”
“I know,” said Edmund. He ran his fingers through her stringy brown hair. “Stella, you have—”
“When I’m with you, I don’t care about anything else! Not school or shopping for clothes or feeding the dog or talking to my family or even the Jonas brothers.”
“Good to know.”
“And when I’m not with you, all I think about is you. How you look. How you move. How you sound. How you smell.” She inhaled deeply. “I’m so drawn to your scent. Does that seem weird?”
“I tried that Axe body spray, so no.”

[Continued here …]

You can see where this is going. Or can you? BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Twinkle: new Dan McGirt mini-novel coming soon!

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

I’ve had little chance to update the Update in the new year.  For the last few weeks I’ve been feverisly penning–well, keyboarding–a new mini-novel.  It is not a Jason Cosmo tale, but what one might loosely call an urban (although not in an urban setting) fantasy vampire thriller mini-novel.  It is set in a rainy town in the Pacific Northwest, though not one named for an eating utensil. I call this little epic “Twinkle” — and I can assure you it’s not what you expect. At all. ((Or maybe it is. My opinion on kissy-kissy vampire stories is a matter of public record. So set your expectations accordingly.))

Twinkle will be released as a free ebook on Smashwords on March 1 — one week from today.

I suspended work on NOBLE CAUSE to write Twinkle. Why in the name of Rae would I do that? Well, the original idea for Twinkle came to my during a walk in the woods last fall. I’ve been noodling the notion ever since and when everything finally clicked in my head I decided I had to write it right away. Being a creative sort, I’m entitled to make these kinds of erratic, impulsive decisions from time to time. I believe the result will entertain you–so I hope you’ll indulge me this narrative detour. As soon as Twinkle hit the virtual stands I’ll be right back to work on NOBLE CAUSE–promise!

In the meantime, if you haven’t read the Jason Cosmo mini-novel Rainy Daze, it is also available on Smashwords. Please check it out!

Okay, back to work for me–I’ve got a deadline to meet! See you March 1 for the debut of Twinkle.

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

 

 

 

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Fantasy Author P.A. Seasholtz Reviews Hero Wanted

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

I hope your new year is off to a good start! Mine certainly is, thanks in part to a kind review of Hero Wanted posted by Loyal Reader (and fantasy author) P.A. Seasholtz at his Musings of the Othar fantasy and science fiction newsletter.

Mr. Seasholtz writes:

A funny thing happened when I sat down to write the Feature Article this month on Dan McGirt’s Hero Wanted.  I found I had nothing to say other than the obvious.  Read this book!  It really is that simple.

If the point of a book is to entertain, then McGirt’s rollicking fantasy is flawless.  It is a witty, humorous, reluctant-hero-saves-world-gets-girl romp with a dash of jaded crabby wizard thrown in – how could you possibly go wrong with that?

There is more if you are interested. All in all, a resoundingly positive review, which I greatly appreciate. I note that he also posted a nice comment about Hero Wanted at Goodreads.  Thank you, kind sir, for letting people know you enjoyed Hero Wanted and encouraging other readers to go and do likewise.

I’ve been fortunate to see only good reviews of Hero Wanted so far. It is encouraging to know that people enjoy the book. I have no doubt that negative comments will emerge at some point–no matter what you write, there will be some readers who love it and some who hate it–so I’m happy to bank the good reviews while I can.

Hearing from Loyal Readers is also a great motivator for me to stay focused on getting the next book, Noble Cause, done. I learned of Mr. Seasholtz’s review over the weekend when I was–ahem!– slacking off from writing to check email and surf the internet for a while. Amazing what a little positive reinforcement will do! I pushed on and finished my revision of Chapter 1 and 2 of Noble Cause. More on that later.

In the meantime, I want to mention that P.A. Seasholtz is the author of the Harmony of the Othar Saga, starting with Heart of Hauden. I’m going to confess that I have not (yet) read his work, but you can check it out for yourself here and form your own opinion. Please do–and keep those cards and letters coming, kids!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

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Hero Wanted named Top 10 Ebook of 2009!

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

A couple of weeks ago there was a sudden spike in downloads of the free Hero Wanted ebook on Smashwords. Though I figured someone somewhere had said something nice about the book, I couldn’t find the source. Today I did.

On Dec 15, eBooks Just Published, named Hero Wanted one of the Top 10 DRM-free eBooks for Christmas ’09! The list was based on ratings, reviews and “uniqueness.” So a belated thank you to Mark Gladding at eBooks Just Published for the recognition, and to the Loyal Readers whose kind words and support made it possible! I also want to thank Mark Coker and his team at Smashwords for providing such a great platform for publishing and distributing Hero Wanted as an ebook.

A great note to end the year on, as I work to complete the follow-up book, Noble Cause.

I also learned in my online ramblings today that possible future Loyal Reader Rob got a copy of my previous book Dirty Work for Christmas — a selection made by his parents due to the Josh Kirby cover of the UK edition reminding them of the Terry Pratchett books. I have no shame about riding on Sir Terry’s coattails!

Best wishes to all for the remainder of the holidays. See you in 2010!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt

 

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Jason Cosmo and the Merry Christmas

Greetings, Loyal Reader!

A Merry Christmas to you and your family!

2009 has been an exciting and eventful year for me as an author. I had the satisfaction of finally seeing Jason Cosmo and company return to print with the release of Hero Wanted by Trove Books, not to mention the digital version of Hero Wanted at Smashwords. I released the first-ever Jason Cosmo mini-novel, Rainy Daze. And I had the pleasure of connecting with and hearing from dozens of Loyal Readers via this blog, by email, on my pages at Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, LibraryThing, and in person at Dragon*Con.

Two things drive me as a writer: the desire to get all these stories out of my head before my sinuses explode from the buildup of creative pressure … and the desire to entertain readers for a few hours with thrills, chills, adventure, laughs, and a few groan-inducing puns. I want to thank all the Loyal Readers who have picked up or downloaded one of my stories and given me the opportunity to do just that. Thanks again to those who have taken the time to send me a note to let me know you enjoyed the book. I truly appreciate your encouragement, comments, and even the constructive criticism.

Please join me in 2010 for more Jason Cosmo adventures. My plan is to publish Noble Cause in print and ebook, release an episodic audio bookcast of Hero Wanted (and maybe Noble Cause too), and I hope to offer a few more Jason Cosmo short stories and mini-novels along the way.

In the meantime, I wish you all the best of the season and a healthful, prosperous and happy new year!

Best regards,

Dan McGirt